Recently I’ve found myself packing my schedule with creative projects, courses, podcasts, and pursuits. I may listen to a podcast on my way home from work. After dinner I’ll hop on my computer to begin working on video ideas for my YouTube channel, or I may watch videos on learning how to code.
This time last year I wouldn’t have envisioned myself filling my evenings up the way I have been. I consider myself a low-energy person, and when I would come home from work I barely felt energy to watch a movie let alone read, learn, or work on a creative project.
I still don’t feel high-energy, but a subtle shift has occurred in my body. I’m working toward something. Somethings. I feel a sense of urgency to learn and grow and accumulate knowledge and experience because I have a clearer sense of direction than I once did. There’s still much to be seen, but I feel more guided. More purposeful. And I believe the work I am doing to be crucial to the next steps in my journey. Frenzy isn’t quite the right word to describe it. It feels more like burning embers – slow, steady, but ever-growing progress.
In the midst of this path I find myself wondering how my personal relationships are affected. I feel less inclined to connect with my roommates because I want to write down that next idea. Study for that next test. Pour all my energy into this journey I hold dear. And I wonder what the balance is, what is healthy.
I think about stories I’ve seen that depict couples where one person becomes excited about school or a career but at the cost of leaving behind their spouse or family in the dust. There is a balance to be had of course, but when that creative passion takes over it can feel more like a consuming fire than like burning embers. It makes me glad I don’t have a spouse to have that conflict with, but I do wonder if I’m doomed to experience that dichotomy one day. Will my significant other and I be so different that eventually we have to choose between our passions and each other? As sacred as human relationships are, what is to be said of those who believe they have something important to contribute to the world and need to step away from their relationships to focus on their life’s work?
These are the questions I ponder tonight.