The marimba tune playing on my phone is the one that wakes me up in the morning. I snooze for as long as I can while my brain floats through the fog at the end of my last sleep cycle. I’m lucky if I got between six and seven hours of rest.
Before I even throw off my sheets, my mind has gone to the moon and back in a spiraling fashion. I think about my dream, if I can remember it, the day ahead, the meaning of life, and I wonder if I’ll get married someday. It is an informal session of rumination, something often associated with anxiety. I don’t really feel anxious, just overwhelmed.
If I have time, I’ll hard boil an egg. Most days, however, sleep is more important. I cannot function well without sleep. Unfortunately, I cannot function well without food either. Hardee’s is the only place on the way to work. I chase a mouthful of grease with a carton of orange juice, hoping I don’t feel sick later.
Job #1 lasts for several hours. I pass the time by dusting, ringing up purchases, folding clothes, taking bathroom breaks, and occasionally hiding to take a 30-second nap. On busier days I find myself in a rhythm, which helps the time pass faster. After that I leave to go to Job #2.
I schedule an hour and a half between jobs so I can arrive on time. When traffic is heavy, I need that hour and a half. It gives me time to stop home and change, and perhaps grab something to eat from the fridge. I haven’t gone grocery shopping in awhile, so there isn’t much to choose from.
I drive in the fast lane to arrive early. If my stomach needs something, I may walk the quarter-ish mile to Starbucks. Yes, it is my guilty pleasure. It also tastes better than drive-through grease sandwiches.
I spend another few hours on my feet. I smile; people like me there. By the end of the day my feet are throbbing, even if I am wearing inserts for extra padding. I can drive home as fast as I want to, since there is almost no traffic this late. I contemplate my paycheck, but quickly remember I won’t be seeing much of it, since it will go toward paying off debt. I wonder how I allowed myself to get so deep in over my head, but I am taking steps to remedy that. It is a hard lesson, but one I believe I am learning well.
If I had forgotten or didn’t have time eat dinner, I may make a mug of hot cocoa before falling into bed. I try to spend a few minutes reading each night to rest my mind a bit before falling into a fitful sleep. Rinse and repeat.