I had a tryst with my husband last night, but it was different from any of our previous experiences together. We used to be so close, but now I can barely look him in the eye.
It wasn’t always like this. We used to walk in the garden freely, bathing in the beauty of the earth and of each other. We were one with the Creator. He would laugh and talk with us, and we lived in joy so great I couldn’t describe it if I tried. Now, darkness has fallen. I wear a cloak of shame and hide among the trees. I feel alone and afraid. Even when I stand next to my husband, I have never felt so far away from him. Somehow, he is just out of my reach. He is sad and distant. I am lonely and irritable. We manage to argue, although about what, I can’t even remember.
Last night, we had a few moments together during which it almost began to feel like old times. I almost felt that we could understand each other again. When I mustered the courage to look him in the eye, I saw the same desperation and remorse that I felt. I saw myself reflected in those eyes, and that comforted me. And, toward the end of those few moments, my body seized, being caught up in a blanket of light and ecstasy. I began to think that the darkness had been just a bad dream; I felt as though we were one again. I wanted to sing praises to the Creator, to laugh and talk with Him again, when the darkness returned several seconds later. Just like that, the moment had come and gone, and it became nothing but a memory.
I am scared for the future. Sometimes I feel as though my life is unbearable because of this terrible darkness. But those precious moments last night gave me hope that one day, the darkness will be undone. I know the Creator has a plan to make everything right again. If I could, I would want to tell Him that I’m sorry for everything. Last night, however, I think was a gift from Him. I think he wanted to tell me that, despite the mess I made, it will not last forever. Someday, the world will be restored to how it was meant to be.