Letter to My Future Lover

Dear Lover, whoever you are and wherever you may be,

Normally I would think it foolish to write to someone of the future who is, as of now, invisible to me. But upon reflecting on certain parts of myself, I would like to share some thoughts with you about the girl who will one day stand before you.

I am writing from a place of deep sorrow. A selfish sorrow, I admit, that comes from having experienced pain. I do not know who I will be when you and I meet, but I would contend that pain is a universal experience that haunts many people. It haunts me, and could possibly continue to do so even after we meet. It may not be obvious at first, especially if it only manifests itself as a shadow in my eyes. Eventually it will become more familiar to you as we get to know each other better. Do not be afraid of it. Pain is merely a proof that we are human, and sorrow the substance of growth. I hope to have the luxury of maturing more before you meet me, but chances are I will have a lot of growing to do regardless of when we cross paths.

Please be patient with me as I work to consistently become a healthier and stronger version of myself. I am often insecure in my efforts, and progress is slow. I must ask your forgiveness in advance for the times I will be crying on the bed or speaking in tirades that make sense only to me. Sometimes making light of it may cause me to feel better, while at other times a comforting hand on my shoulder would be more appropriate. Sometimes I will just need a hug.

Never should I dare ask you to heal a broken heart, for that is too much to ask of any single human. I have experienced heartbreak, and the only person who can mend that is myself. I would only ask for your gentleness in my sensitive moments. One thing that is highly important to me is that I feel safe. Once I feel safe, I can then navigate the parts of myself that require vulnerability, that feel less safe. By working through those areas, I can begin to grow stronger. Your reassuring presence will help give me the courage I need to pursue that.

Ultimately, I do not want to ask for much, for I hope to be able to give more than I take. I only ask for your patience and gentleness as I grow, and that you would love me as I will one day love you. Here’s hoping that this is the only part of this version of me you will know, that by the time our roads cross I will have already grown above and beyond where I am now. And so until we meet for the first time, I say farewell.

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